We all know romantic Amsterdam is perfect for lovers, but what if you’re single and searching? If your Tinder swipes seem less than inspiring, here’s where to head for love in real life.
1. Albert Heijn
The local supermarket is stocked full of possibilities. Sure, there will always be the irritating loved-up couple giggling over whose turn it is to squeeze the fresh O.J from the machine, but once they’ve gone it’s all yours. Grab a bottle and wait till your preferred sexy guy walks past. Then squeeze that orange juice into a messily suggestive citrus fountain. “Oh dear, oh no, can somebody help?”
I actually performed this perfect fail quite by accident. There were lots of sexy guys around to witness my sandals drowning in freshly-squeezed orange juice, but unfortunately, the first person to help was an oversized female check-out assistant called Berta. Not ideal.
Potential for meeting hot date: 7/10. Requires better planning.
2. NEMO Science Museum
There are heaps of things to touch here at NEMO, and being a touchy-feely kind of person I was in my element twizzling buttons and pushing big knobs and figuring out how to whisper to someone standing 15 feet away. Men love to play, so there were loads of eligible guys around – it was just a little hard to distinguish them from the DILF’s looking to amuse their toddlers.
One way to weed out the singles would be to head to the bubble-blowing machine, point to a hottie you like, and blow a bubble big enough for you both to stand in. If he stays and holds your gaze and asks for your number you can start to plan your wedding in a giant bubble on the NEMO rooftop. If he doesn’t, you probably shouldn’t do that.
Potential for meeting hot date: 8/10. Avoid men with kids and/or wedding rings.
It’s a veritable meat market in here, with lots of other yummy options on the side (ahem). Pac-Man your way around everything from sushi to chicken sandwiches, hot dogs and dim sum, but don’t forget to talk to any talent you might meet in line. Asking “what’s your favorite dish?” is usually a good way to determine whether you’re compatible. If he’s tucking into a marinated tofu Buddha Bowl you might not want to sit down next to him with your 72 oz Texas King steak.
I find the Gin and Tonic bar a great place to start up a conversation with a stranger. The drinks are huge and fancy, so you can laugh at the pretentious pointlessness of your burnt orange slices and arrange the next drink somewhere cheaper.
Potential for meeting hot date: 9/10.
Everyone in Amsterdam walks or cycles through Vondelpark at some point, but you can tell a local from a tourist by the way he’s riding his bike. If he’s wobbling all over the path, looking in awe at every tree and water feature he’s not from here. If he’s staring at his phone while pedaling 50 mph into the wind, he’s definitely local.
I always find pretending to stick my leg out in someone’s path affects them enough to slow down, even if it’s just to yell at me. Get straight to the point. “Where’s the nearest bar? Can you show me on your Google Maps? Will you come with me?” Either that or invite him for a game of frisbee. Failing that, strip to your swimwear, lie on a blanket and wait. Nature will take its course.
Potential for meeting hot date: 7/10. Better on sunny days.
5. A’DAM Lookout
Yes, it’s a tourist attraction but where else are you going to get a bird’s eye view of the UNESCO-listed canal belt and that deliciously flat Dutch landscape from up high? With a view stretching 20 kms in all directions there’s a lot to talk about with that attractive man who’s just sidled up beside you. “How long do you think it would take to fall to the ground from here?” is a unique opener and will make him wonder about you in many ways.
There’s a swing on the roof of A’DAM too. You could buckle up with a stranger and then offer to “go and get even higher” somewhere else. This is Amsterdam after all… use your imagination. If that all fails there’s a great panoramic cocktail bar at the top called Madam, so dress to impress and wait for someone nice to impress you.
Potential for meeting hot date: 8/10. Not recommended for those with vertigo.